Becoming a mother at a young age can come with unique challenges that often feel overwhelming and can lead to isolation and burnout. In today’s world, a woman can often find herself with little to no support in motherhood. They say, “it takes a village to raise a child” and for good reason. Raising the next generation of humans is no easy feat and requires us to come together as a community to shoulder the responsibility of their success.
Often in the early days of motherhood, a woman is adjusting physically (to lack of sleep, recovering from birth, getting to learn her body in a new way), emotionally (as her hormones adjust from pregnancy as she integrates her new identity) and mentally (learning all the new skills motherhood requires of her). As her child grows, she will be deep in a journey of not only building the skills to foster growth and health in her child, but of also tending to herself and her wishes for her own life. Having a consistent and reliable support system throughout her journey can often be one of the most profound and meaningful resources. For a young mother, it can be priceless.
If you have a young mother in your life, she likely needs support that goes beyond good intentions. Here are some concrete ways you can make a meaningful difference in her life:
- Offering Specific, Practical Help
Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” make specific offers that address basic needs. While well-intentioned, when she is in the throes of sleepless nights and major life changes, it can feel vulnerable and hard to articulate what she needs. Try phrases like “Can I pick up some groceries for you tomorrow?” or “I am free on Saturday. Can I help you with laundry or watch the baby so you can get some rest?”. By removing the burden of having to specify their needs, offers for assistance become more impactful and make it easier for her to accept help. Consider recurring help like weekly meal prep, childcare during appointments or to rest, or transportation assistance. By taking routine tasks that take a lot of time or mental energy off her plate, she will have the opportunity to rest or recharge.
- Create Judgement Free Social Connection
Social isolation can occur easily to a young mother, especially from friends or peers who may not understand what she is going through. Invite her to activities that work with her schedule or childcare needs. That could look like bringing a coffee for a visit during naptime, organizing a potluck at her place, or including her in child-friendly activities or settings. The most important thing is to relate to her as a whole person; ask about her goals and experiences beyond parenting. Check in with her how she is doing and how she is coping with all the changes in her life. To be seen, heard, and validated as a whole person can make a great impact because oftentimes being a mother can be all-consuming, and it can be easy to lose oneself.
- Supporting Her in Achieving Her Goals
Many young mothers are balancing motherhood with other goals or opportunities- whether it be social, school or career development. By supporting her in pursuing her own goals and dreams, you are helping her be grounded in her life and her identity. Consider offering babysitting so she can study or attend a job interview. Perhaps she needs help with a university application or connecting to her professional network. Share your skills and strengths with her so that she can become more efficient in reaching her goals. Sometimes the most meaningful support is having someone there to believe in her ability to achieve her goals; to have reminders that being a young mother doesn’t necessarily limit her potential or her future.
- Provide Emotional Validation and Encouragement
Young mothers often face criticism and unsolicited advice from others, further adding to the social isolation she might be experiencing. Sometimes the hardest part about being in the thick of major changes is the feeling that the weight of your thoughts and feelings is one to be carried alone. Be the person who listens without judgement and validates her share. By becoming a witness to her experiences and a cheerleader to her strengths, she will get the emotional nourishment that she deeply needs. Words of encouragement can also go far; saying “You’re a great mom” or “I’m proud of how you’re handling this” can remind her that she is doing well at something that can be very challenging.
- Help Build Her Support Network
Getting connected to groups and resources can help her understand her experiences, find solutions to her challenges in the wisdom of others, and reduce isolation. Help her connect to other young parents, parenting groups or community resources. This might look like researching a local program, or perhaps you offer to attend a first meeting with her. Maybe you know of other young parents, and you facilitate an introduction.
- Respect Her Autonomy and Choices
To become a mom is to undergo your own birth into a new identity. While it is natural to want to help by offering advice or guidance, the most supportive thing is often to allow her to make her own choices, even if they are different from what you might do. Supporting her means empowering her confidence in her new identity as a mother. Be available for advice-giving when she asks for it, and in the meantime, remember she is an expert on her own life and her child.
- Offer Financial Support Thoughtfully
Money concerns are often significant for young mothers. If you are able to help financially, consider practical gifts like grocery store gift cards, paying for a phone bill, or covering childcare costs for important appointments. You can also help her access resources like WIC, food banks or other assistance programs. Most importantly, any financial help you offer must preserve her dignity and avoid creating feelings of shame or obligation.
- Advocate for Her in Professional and Social Settings
Discrimination or dismissive attitudes in various settings- whether it is in work, school, or social settings- often affect young mothers. Use your voice and influence to advocate for her when the opportunity comes up. This could look like speaking up when someone makes a judgmental comment, helping her navigate systemic barriers, or perhaps connecting her with mentors and allies. If you are in a position of authority or have influence in a certain setting, consider how you might be able to create more supportive environments for young parents. Knowing that someone will stand up for you when you are not in the room can often be very meaningful support. When young mothers have social support, they need to thrive, entire families and communities’ benefit- creating a ripple effect of strength and resilience for generations to come.
- Help Her Prioritize Self-care and Personal Time
Becoming a mother can often lead to the habit of putting everyone else’s needs before one’s own. This can lead to burnout, depression, anxiety and a decline in physical health. Actively encourage and facilitate her self-care by offering to watch her child while she takes a bath, sleeps in, goes for a walk or has time to do the hobbies she loves. You might also consider giving her experiences that provide her with the opportunity to reconnect with herself again- a massage, a book she has wanted to read, or art supplies if she is creative. Even small gestures like bringing over her favorite take-out meal or encouraging her to take that hike she loves can help remind her that her own well-being is important, too. Help her understand that taking care of herself isn’t selfish- it is an essential habit that will help her be the best mother she can be.
- Be Patient and Consistent in Your Support
Young mothers are often dealing with sleep deprivation, stress, and overwhelming responsibilities that can affect their ability to respond to texts, keep plans or reciprocate support immediately. Show up consistently without keeping score or expecting immediate gratitude. If she needs to cancel plans at the last minute due to childcare issues or simply being too exhausted or overwhelmed, try to respond neutrally and with understanding. Continue to offer support even if she doesn’t always accept it because knowing there is reliable help available provides comfort to her even if she doesn’t utilize it. Your patience and consistency let her know that your support isn’t conditional on her having “everything together”.
The most powerful support often comes from consistency and reliability. Small, regular acts of support can be incredibly impactful. Bringing a human to life is no easy feat, and it could mean the world to a new mom to know that they have someone in their corner helping to cover gaps, offering rest and reprieve, and sharing in the burden one way or another. And that is what is truly invaluable- the knowledge that she is not alone in this great new journey she finds herself on.
Saiya Marshall is a volunteer writer for South Project. Based in Querétaro, Mexico, she holds a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and has transitioned from her career as a registered nurse to working as a freelance medical writer. Saiya is passionate about combining her healthcare background with storytelling to create accessible, impactful content. Outside of writing, she enjoys traveling, camping, and hunting down the best local coffee spots. A mom to a spirited four-year-old and a grumpy cat, Saiya embraces every chance to laugh and be silly with her son.